I can’t say that I planned to flake out, but a month has truly passed. The week’s studies aren’t over yet, but since I remembered this last night, it’s necessary to write a bit about myself.

When people ask me questions like “How’s school going?”, my answer is usually “It’s alright, just the language environment is hard to adapt to.” Studying entirely in English is, of course, a challenge for us. But the challenges don’t end there. The subjects I’ve chosen are EAL, CFL, Mathematical Methods, Physics, Chemistry, and Economics, which lean toward the sciences. There’s a tiny possibility before me that I might not drop a single subject in Grade 12 and instead take exams for all six subjects. If so, the study pressure will be several times that of others, but it seems to mean scholarships and some other things…

I feel I think this way because I consider myself very capable and believe I can be at the top of my studies. But the truth is, how can a lazy person who isn’t even willing to catch up on CFL homework, a late-stage procrastinator who has delayed Economics homework for nearly a week, a coward who is unwilling to take responsibility, and a prodigal son who indulges in pleasure when there’s no external pressure—how could such a person study well? Good study habits were probably formed in junior high; although the momentum has lasted a while, it will eventually vanish. When that time comes, will I no longer be able to move forward on my own?

Why am I saying all this? Study pressure won’t vanish into thin air. I still have Mathematical Methods teaching tasks today, Chemistry review this afternoon, and a festival program list to submit this week. Why am I spending time writing this?

Perhaps, it is so that when I find my direction, I can look back at my former lost self.